Or you're like me. And you go home to your computer and your parents and your dogs, and you try to reassure yourself that you're working to save money so you can move. So that hopefully you can find those things in another place. A sleeping buddy. A friend to laugh with. A life.
Part of me knows it's my fault. I'm shy, kinda scared to put myself out there, fearful of rejection. That's kind of how I've always been, and it's not helpful to my well-being. But I like people to like me, and there is nothing worse than that feeling of a person looking you up and down, sneering, and walking away. Just plain ignoring you because your friend looks better through beer goggles. I've never ever once felt attractive to anyone, and part of going out and having fun is having confidence in yourself, which is shoddy at best on my part.
Part of it is where I live, which is why I want to move so badly. I literally live in a one-stop light town (and it's not even a stop light...) and the town nearby doesn't have much more to offer but a one-night stand with a tourist and/or a local guy who bow hunts, has a tin of chew and 3 children with his high school sweetheart (who he's still married to). Trust me. I've gone out. That was the major demographic. That guy, and then the guy that does meth that I went to HS with.
I'd do anything to change it. I work and save as much as I can to make sure that I can just leave someday and be able to *finally* support myself. I want independence, for myself and from the circumstances I live with daily. I hate what I have become. And I don't want to just lay here and take it. I also know that I have made too many excuses and they have to stop... I need to be motivated!! Friends do not make themselves.
............................................................................................ AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
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